#4: Worst Thief in the World

If you read the story about the woman stuffing frozen lobster tail down her pants as part of the world’s weirdest effort to shoplift seafood, and now you’re wondering if it could be used on larger items, then let me answer that for you: no. It doesn’t work any better with large items than it did with lobster tail.

That’s because our pants are not that big, and they’re already full of our legs. There’s just not enough space to fit in something like, oh, say, a Blu-ray player. Look, I’m not trying to give people ideas about how to commit crime better, but why not steal something small and portable, sell it, and use the money to buy a Blu-ray player? Use your heads, people.