6. Make a Wish For the Strongest Denim

Sponsored by Levi’s, instead of the genie from Aladdin you get the discount Jean E Denim. Three free wishes for any three pairs of jeans you could want under the sun! Any color, any size, and style. It is the perfect fit for you, saving you the pain of having to look through those messes at Macy’s and trying on pair after pair.

Sure, the pant leg on these is long enough, but because of the increased length, they’re too big around the hips. No, I’m not bitter, you’re bitter. …Can I have a Jean-E of my own? Time to start checking caves in the New Mexico deserts.